The Odd One Out

Feeling left out

“Do you want to pitch in for her present?”

Just one simple question. It only requires a yes or no answer. And yet it’s so much more loaded. At least, for me it is.

One of my friends’ birthday is coming up and our friend group has always had this thing where we would all pitch in to buy someone a present. That way it wouldn’t cost us – poor students – too much and we were still able to give our friends something. It seems like such a wonderful idea and, don’t get me wrong, at its core it is – until someone gets left out.

A few months ago, back in February, someone else asked me the same question for a different friend’s birthday. And because I care about this person, of course I said yes. I don’t necessarily mind having said yes, but there is something that’s bothering me: I keep getting the question, but I’m not receiving any presents myself.

I know I’m at a risk of sounding very selfish here, and I also realise that buying people birthday presents is in no way “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours”. It would, however, be nice to feel a little bit more appreciated. My birthday has come and gone and all I received from my friends were happy birthday wishes through social media. Which is obviously nice in itself, but not if you know that apparently everyone else is worthy of presents – except you.

And it’s not about the money. Not at all. It’s about the implication of not receiving any birthday presents from my friends – “we don’t care enough about you”. It’s also definitely not about material things. My friends could literally give me a single pen and I’d already feel a lot different about this whole situation. I’m not asking anyone to go all out or to spend tons of money – all I’m asking is a bit of consideration.

What makes it worse is that they seem to be rubbing it in by always asking me the question for other people’s birthdays, but not doing anything for mine. Almost like “hey, everyone else is important enough to do this for – just not you”.

I might be attaching too much importance to something as trivial as birthday presents, but I can’t ignore the fact that I feel hurt because of this. No one thought to ask around our friend group whether anyone would want to pitch in for a present for my birthday. Or worse yet – someone asked around, but no one was interested enough and so they dropped it. I don’t know what the reason is, and I probably never will. But just the implication that none of my friends care enough to want to pitch in for a present is painful enough.

The odd one out

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

33 thoughts on “The Odd One Out

  1. Oh I feel for you so much! I completely relate to this, I always like to go to loads of effort for peoples birthdays, just because I know how lovely it is whenever people do that for me, but a lot of the time it isn’t returned! Like you said it’s not about the actual present or money, it could be anything but it’s the thought behind it, and sometimes its clear there is none. It’s such a rubbish situation but not one where much can be done, they’re obviously not great friends if they could do that to you, you deserve so much better! Sending you lots of love and I hope you still had a good birthday πŸ™‚

    Tiffany x http://www.foodandotherloves.co.uk

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m very lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend who made sure my birthday didn’t feel like a complete disaster, haha! Thank you so much for your comment. πŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

      Like

  2. Oh hun that sucks! I totally would be reacting like you are! I know exactly what you mean, it’s not the fact they did get you some awesome present it’s the principal that they’re all buying everyone else a present so why not you!
    I wish I had some sort of wisdom for you but sadly I don’t. Maybe trying saying to them? Though I know that would be awkward and difficult! I’m sorry hun!
    PaleGirlRambling xo

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’ve considered talking to them about it, but I’m worried I’ll just come off as selfish and they’ll think I’m just in it for the material stuff, which is definitely not the case. I just think that’s a conclusion a lot of people will (unfortunately) jump to. Thank you for your comment. πŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m so sorry to hear this and I totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s not what the present is, it’s the thought that counts. It’s a horrible situation and one that you don’t deserve to be in. Hope you still had a good birthday though.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Luckily my boyfriend was there to still make my birthday worthwile! Thank you for your comment. πŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

      Like

  4. So sorry to hear this!
    I definitely agree with you, its not what the present is or how much it costs but the thought behind it that counts. You sound like a really kind person and deserve so much more.
    Sending you lots of good wishes and I hope you are doing okay. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Even though no one really says so, the relationships you have with your friends are one – if not the most important ones. The lack of gesture hurts, I thought I was overreacting too when something similar happened to me on my birthday two years ago but I totally understand where you’re coming from. In all, I hope you enjoyed your birthday and will one day be able to express your uncertainties with your friends.

    xx
    Leah
    http://therightdirections.wordpress.com
    (@ETTENOMHAEL)

    Liked by 2 people

    • You’re so right! I’m very fortunate to have a great boyfriend who made sure my birthday was lovely. I don’t know if I’ll ever talk to my friends about it, though, because I fear they’ll just take it the wrong way… Thank you for your comment. πŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

      Like

  6. Sadly I know how you feel!
    Sometimes I feel like I try so hard and people don’t give back what I gave. We shouldn’t feel like that, we shouldn’t feel we need to get something back, yet we do!
    You’re not alone x

    Liked by 2 people

    • I always tell myself I’m the bigger person for not letting someone’s else’s behaviour dictate mine – in this case still pitching in for people’s presents even though they’ve apparently not cared about mine! Thank you so much for your comment. πŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

      Like

  7. It sucks to feel left out. I don’t think you’re wrong here at all. It’s not about being selfish but making sure everyone is treated fairly and equally. I think you should say something πŸ˜€

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m trying not to let it get to me too much, but I wrote this post up right after they asked me the question and in that moment it just hit me. Thank you for your comment! πŸ™‚

      xoxo
      Freya

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I used to have exactly this situation in my girl group! So many girls would not put money in to others because they were holding grudges about such petty things! I’ve always felt that it’s so nice having a group of friends but at the same time it is the most hostile and bitchy place to be! Xxx

    http://www.lifeofem.co.uk

    Liked by 2 people

  9. This must of been a very upsetting post for you to write. I’m sorry your friends have made you feel this way. It’s horrible I have friends that are the same and for me I saw it get worse once I got married and had children. Just keep positive and try not to take it to heart because even if they are your friends don’t let anyone make you feel unappreciated or sad, no matter who they are, you should never be made to feel unhappy. Keep smiling!

    Pinar | http://www.beautybakingbella.com

    Liked by 2 people

  10. This is such an upsetting thing and I’m sorry your friends haven’t been treating you as well as you treat them. I wish I had some words of wisdom but just remember — there are people who care about you and sometimes they just need to be reminded to show it.

    ❀️❀️
    Emily

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Hey Freya!
    I can’t believe this- that’s a horrible way to make you feel! I hope your ‘friends’ read this and realise that they aren’t treating you right.
    I know everyone’s different, but honestly if you don’t feel like they are really your friends then you don’t need them in your life. One good friend is worth a million so-called friends!
    I hope you have a lovely day! X

    Liked by 2 people

    • You are so right! These are people I shouldn’t even be bothered about. πŸ™‚ Thanks so much for your lovely comment, Kirsty!

      xoxo
      Freya

      Liked by 2 people

  12. I’m realising more and more that you really find your true friends as you get older! I completely relate and at 29 I probably now have about 3 really good friends.
    Belated birthday wishes! I hope ur ‘friends’ read this xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah, growing up is definitely a huge part of finding out who your true friends are! πŸ™‚ Thank you for your comment, and for the belated birthday wishes. ^_^

      xoxo
      Freya

      Like

    • Thank you! πŸ™‚ I don’t think the situation is going to change any time soon, but to be honest I’m alright with that. I’m better off putting energy into more positive parts of my life!

      xoxo
      Freya

      Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s